I think today I finally understood where most of my misery of the past year comes from. And the answer is quite simple: my job.
Today I had a long discussion with my mum and she (a qualified psychologist fyi) confirmed the conclusion I somehow reached by myself – working in customer service is making me absolutely miserable. Some people are just not fit for that kind of environment. However hard I try and no matter how well I’m doing at my job, the fact is, I will always be miserable while I’m spending most of my week in an environment that sucks out all joy and creativity of my soul and fills me with an endless sense of ennui.
For many months now I’ve been telling myself to just suck it up. Other people are able to have healthy and happy lives (well, relatively) while doing the same job as you, so you must just be lazy or a hopeless dreamer. The fact is, I am a dreamer in a sense, and that means that the creative and spiritual parts of my brain are so strong that when faced with a bland materialistic environment they start withering and slowly dying like a tree surrounded by factory smoke and hidden from sunlight by the shadows of concrete skyscrapers. I haven’t been lazy at all. I’ve been working my arse off for many months now and all I got was a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction. I don’t choose to be this way but I am one of the people who will always be miserable in certain jobs and who have to find other ways to earn their bread (or tuition fees haha).
So I feel some change coming that way. Now that I’ve finally made this decision I feel like I’m finally becoming myself again. And it’s bloody awesome.