Personal

reality and the untruths

156

Sometimes I wonder what is real. I feel like I spend so much time hooked up on some imaginary struggles, competing, goals. And then reality strikes me and I understand how stupid and shallow all of it is. What’s more, I understand that this is not what I want. I want what is REAL. I want fairytales, I want kindness, I want purity, I want magic. All those things that I read about in books and which resonate deeply with my soul.

It breaks my heart to see how messed up people are nowadays and how I’m constantly partaking in that mess myself. But then sometimes I see something or a memory suddenly comes back in a flash, and it’s as if a veil falls off my face and I suddenly see how petty and intangible, how unreal my worries and concerns are. How useless and petty and damaging all this competing and jealousy. Yet it only lasts for a moment, this clarity, and then I fall back into the deep well of untruths.

I feel like I’ve become a fraction of my real self. I have been pursuing what I think would make me happy,Β finally make meΒ happy, but maybe not in the right way and not in the right places. I remember being happy in the past but I haven’t felt that way for what feels like centuries. I feel like change is due but I’m not yet sure what the right change for me is.

***

Sorry for this post being rather raw and not making that much sense. But I called this blogΒ Unedited for a reason and it will always remain so, raw and true to who I am.

Thanks for reading xx

Eve

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19 thoughts on “reality and the untruths

  1. That is a thoughtful perspective, but I think this is the exact thought which went behind the quote “Go with the flow”. You just gotta let things happen to you, and try and enjoy as much as possible, don’t think about how different it is from what you had imagined, just be glad that it has happened.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First of all, thanks for commenting πŸ™‚ I think I was being extremely vague in this post and didn’t really get my point across in the right way. What I meant is that I’m massively dissatisfied with having abandoned my true self and trying to fit in the society and live out other people’s dreams and expectations, and not my own. Which only made me really cynical and really bored with my life.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Find you’re own way, be open to new things and be curious. Though don’t follow the crowd just because everyone is doing something. By all means check it out, but walk away if it’s not for you. πŸ™‚

    Happiness is a rare treat i find, if we expect to be happy all the time then we’re doomed to fail. Sometimes we need the bad times so we recognise the good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I realise I was being way too vague in my post after reading the comments πŸ˜€ what I’m talking about mostly is basically my dissatisfaction with myself as a person currently and the fact that I AM following the crowd in my mindset and constantly trying to get things that I’m told I should desire instead of living out my own authentic life. Hence the reference to competing and trying to be part of this machinery of madness that is the modern world. But all I really want is sunshine, my friends, traveling, meeting the right people and doing all the things that make my heart happy. Not popularity, not ‘success’, not making other people jealous by making my life seem perfect on social media. I don’t know if this makes sense but yeah πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love the rawness in this post! I completely understand where you’re coming from and I’m currently feeling similar feelings! Sometimes we go through a period of truths that aren’t always comfortable or fun. But I’m learning that understanding the root of any issue is the only way we’ll find a real solution. Wishing you the best on your journey to complete happiness!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope you can find a way to keep the veil off more. Keep exploring, keep searching and keep wanting. Wanting does not mean getting it, but it’s where the change begins. And you’re way ahead by realizing what you don’t want.
    Keep the faith in yourself

    Liked by 1 person

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