Personal

About New Beginnings

I was talking to my mother on Skype one day and one of the things she said really stuck with me. In many different words and complicated sentences I was trying to convey a few simple truths to her; one of which was that I’m afraid to start something (almost) from the beginning now that I’m 23 years old. Not a big deal you’d say, some people start anew in their 30s, 40s and 50s. But it is a big deal. It is a huge deal in our society, for our generation. By the time you graduate from University (or even earlier, secondary school or college for some) you basically have to have your career path more or less figured out. Of course, there is no official rule for this, but anything that swerves from this is not encouraged and is even frowned upon. BIIIIG frowns. And here I am, 23 years old, a BA from a respectable University, finally knowing what I want to do with all my heart. And guess what? It has nothing or very little to do with my University degree.

***

So, I want to be an actress. Not for any sort of fame or glamour or even money. None of those things, don’t even expect them to happen. I want to be an actress because my whole heart is burning with this desire to create, to perform, to tell stories, to become other people who might have actually lived or might just be a figment of somebody else’s imagination. Acting, theatre in particular, gives me such freedom and joy that I can finally accept and even love myself when I’m on stage, and feel like I’m a part of something meaningful and beautiful, even if it were for an audience of 10 people. Because guess what? Beauty and Art and culture transform our lives, make us feel so deeply that we finally can understand and forgive others and ourselves. They give us the power to see the immense beauty and glory of the Universe and of our own little and insignificant lives, loves, labours, friendships and faiths. But again, I digress.

IMG_0698
“Non si paga! Non si paga!” 2016

***

The thing that my mother told me when I complained about feeling too old to start from the beginning, even if I feel that it can well be my true vocation, kind of blew me away. When my mum was at the University, she decided to take a gap year. Not a popular option even nowadays, probably less so in soviet-occupied conservative Lithuania. When she was talking to the Dean of the University, or someone else (I forget), she was asked to think about her decision – is she not going to regret losing a whole year of her life? What she replied sounded something like this: “I don’t really see what there is to lose or miss out on in this world”. And you know what? I can’t agree more. People make it seem like this life as many people choose to live it out is so amazing and unmissable, this work, career, money, starting a family, house, car, you name it. But for people like me who never felt quite at home in this world and society, this kind of argument sounds almost ridiculous. Really? I’m missing out? On what? On living a mediocre life doing mediocre things with people I admire for doing the same mediocre things bigger and better? Bigger salary, more respectable career, more handsome partner, bigger house. Is that really what this Universe with billions of stunningly beautiful stars, with rivers and mountain ranges, with fields of gold and sunsets that bring tears to your eyes is really about?

***

Another thing that this clever woman told me was that the problem with our generation is that we don’t let ourselves live, we keep asking for someone else’s permission to live. The future, the world that is in the making right now, can be decided by us youngsters. Yet instead of trying to make it the way we want it, we keep trying to conform to the paths dictated to us by past generations and society, by our families and media. Graduate from school and University, get a respectable and practical profession, rise in your career and get more money, marry someone respectable, have kids, get a house and a car, go on holidays once or twice a year, go to the gym, post nice Instagram pictures and.. that’s pretty much it. That’s life for you. No one ever questions it, and those who dream of changing it are seen by the society as “fools who dream” or one-in-a-million people, some sort of special species, who can allow themselves to have a life of freedom and adventure, the life they really want.

Capture3
“The Book Breaker”, 2016

***

Lastly, I would love to end with this quote from Sylvia Plath:

18882195_10155422319522708_4558054888446715770_n

Eve x

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “About New Beginnings

  1. I can totally relate. I think with the age of 22. I studied politics for my Master’s degree but went 360 from there. Once I graduated I committed to just working freelance – voluntary for the most part to build a portfolio. I think if you put in the time and work into a passion, even if you fail, you won’t feel as bitter as being successful playing a role you hate for the rest of your life. Thankfully though, I am now employed as a content writer so it is working out. Loved the excerpt too btw.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s great to hear! After I graduated I spent like a year wondering if I have the guts to do what I’m really passionate about. Of course I was not only wondering, but working on my skills, portfolio and having a normal paid job which was good for my CV at the same time. In a way I’m glad I did my degree as I now have experience as a freelance content writer/translator which I can always do (and enjoy) in between acting gigs. Thanks for reading 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can sooo relate to how difficult it is to start something new. I was 24 when I became ill, and now at 25 I’m starting everything from scratch. I’m doing my blog, but I’m constantly comparing it to the biggest blogs out there with thousands and thousands of readers, and I forget that they have been doing it for a decade, whereas I just started. I hope it works out for you with the acting, sounds like you have a real passion for it and that’s what you need to bring to the table! And I love the quote, is it from ‘A Room of One’s Own’?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, but isn’t it silly? We people in our 20s feel like we’re pensioners already when there are people out there who start brand new careers in their 40s and 50s and reach success. I know that one of my beloved actors Alan Rickman didn’t even start acting until he was 26 (when he got into drama school) and I’m sure there are people who did these things even later. If writing/blogging is what you feel most passionate about then definitely go for it 🙂 You already have a great way with words and photography, sure you can achieve so much! The quote is from “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath (never read that book tbh, just love the quote) xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is silly indeed – thanks for saying that, it’s such a relief to read your words here. I know I certainly feel like I am so old and like everything has passed me by, but it’s important to remember it’s not true. I didn’t know Alan Rickman was that old when he started, that’s so cool to know! Thank you so much for saying that, I hope I’m on the right track. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I have known many people your age, and older, who think they are late or behind in following their passion. While it is never too late, I am glad you have discovered your passion so early in your life. You may stick with one primary passion throughout your life or it may change over time. When I started blogging in 2014 I had no interest in photography and not much interest in nature. Now both are a major part of my blog and my life, along with the psychological and spiritual themes I started with. Life is a journey, one that goes one step at a time, and the road may have many turns. I am happy that you are allowing your life to unfold instead of getting bogged down in indecision.

    I love the quote you ended with and will share it with others.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s